The Pointlessness Paradox of Derby High

I love DHS seniors. (Note 'seniors' and not 'school'...big difference.) Now don't get me wrong, it's a lovely school with lots of lovely people. It's great, I'm having a rave. And yes, it may seem ridiculous and snobby, but it isn't really (apart from the kilts, and the spaccy radio jingle. Kill me now). But recently, I have started to notice the distinct lack of work we do. Yes, we don't do any work. I mean I swear this is GCSE year!! Helloo!! What happened to piling on the work and stress stress stress OMG exam time?! Yes, admittedly I am very laid back and some of my friends are getting stressed though I'm not, but today, like many other days, I noticed that I did NO WORK.
And when I say no work, I actually mean, NO WORK.
Period One and Two...thinking skills. The biggest bunch of crap since...the first prehistoric pterydactyl crapped in the jurrasic period. It is soooo pointless. We do not learn. Instead, we learn...how to learn...ie. learn deBono's retarded hat thing, and draw mind maps. So, Period 1 & 2 = no work.
Period 3 & 4...french. But we didn't do any work. I know. I'm not sure what was going on. I did one five minute exercise (in an hour and ten minutes lesson), then got out my sketch pad. But it wasn't like how french normally is where I draw as Mrs Arthey explains stuff etc. She wasn't doing anything! No-one was doing anything! I had no idea if we even SUPPOSED to be doing anything! So, Period 3 &4=no work.
Periods 5 & 6...PE. But because the GCSE people were being assessed, we had a private study period. Instead, some of us ran  ('ran') cross country...and went on the playground. Yeah, I know, we're seriously cool. (Playgrounds are epic. I go on them all the time, worrying as that may sound.) So, no work.
And finally Chemistry, which I can normally rely on to actually make us do something. And we did, but not as much as usual.
So in the entire day of school, I did no work, apart from in the last hour.
So now answer me this: Why do I have no work when my GCSEs are like in two months? What is the point of paying to go to a school where we do no work?? And how the hell do we get the best exam results in the country...despite only having a normal 5 day week unlike Trent and Repton, and not doing any work?? Infact, technically this is impossible, because even though we don't work...we still get the best results...wth?...wait...it's a paradox! I love paradoxes! This is the Pointlessness Paradox of Derby High and it continues to mystify me...
Or, another solution is that Mr Callaghan rigs the League Tables. I wouldn't be surprised.
PS. There is another factor in the paradox. None of our girls ever goes to Oxbridge. Ever. If you look at the Grammar leavers, they all go to study Law and Engineering and Cambridge, despite not being the best school. We get the best results in the county, yet all our leavers go to study, like, Textiles at Derby University. I mean wth? Not that there is anything wrong with studying textiles at Derby Uni. But surely we could be aiming just a leeetle bit higher than that??? Apparently not. Ah well. I blame General Studies.